I like watching right-handed people fight each other – it’s like being tickled

    I enjoy watching left-wing campaigners argue with each other

    There is NOTHING I enjoy more than watching people on the right and people on the left argue with each other.

    It’s like tickling. It makes me giggle and be happy.


    I enjoy watching left-wing campaigners argue with each otherAuthor: PA
    The emerging protest groups are similar to Python's Popular Front of Judah


    The emerging protest groups are similar to Python’s Popular Front of JudahAuthor: Rex

    At the beginning we had Extinction Rebellionwhich encouraged participants to sit on tube trains and stand on the runway at Stansted to stop planes from taking off.

    However, other leftists from the school of anarcho-syndicalism soon claimed that the shutdown of public transport marginalizes ethnic minorities and fails to recognize that the climate crisis is the result of neoliberal capitalism.

    So there was an offshoot called Christian Climate Action, which wrote a letter to Archbishop of Canterbury and then, as far as I can tell, disappeared.

    A similar fate apparently befell the youth wing of the XR, created for the domestic decades.

    The Tories and Labor are equally broken.  We would be better off with The Tufty Club
    I doubt Meghan's tears were real.  Why cry for the boss of the company you hate?

    Perhaps they were all sent to sleep.

    All of this gave way to the dreaded End Private Jets campaign.

    His member decided that to get the message across, she would empty her bucket sloppy vegetarian faeces over the statue erected in honor of v Captain Sir Tom Moore.

    Unfortunately, she later realized that most people in the world don’t actually own private jets, and that banning them would be like banning Fabergé eggs. It wouldn’t matter much.

    So she went back to Derby and got a job, probably at a gas station.

    In its place we got the Jewish People’s Front of Python, the People’s Front of Judea and now, Just stop the oil.

    They spray-painted showrooms selling Aston Martins and Ferraris, and they would target a luxury grocer called Fortnum and Mason.

    But when they arrived, it was full of other protesters from the breakaway group Just stop the milk.

    Outside, a Just Stop Farming man struggled to get to his protest as a group from Just Stop The Traffic stuck to the road.

    And on the bridge over the Thames hung two guys with furniture with significant faces.

    I don’t know what they wanted to stop. Ambulances, probably.

    The people I feel sorry for in all of this Bolotnaya and other imbeciles who have burrowed into Buckinghamshire just to stop HS2.

    They’ve been living there for two years, eating worms and drinking their own urine, and they don’t even know that their mates have moved on to something bigger and brighter.

    And no one pays them the slightest attention.

    Or Greenpeacewho actually needed the oil to fuel the Rainbow Warrior, the ship they were using to stop people harpooning whales.

    Or Leonardo DiCaprioan eco-warrior who needs a private jet to get to all the climate summits.

    But he can’t because someone threw soup at him.

    Boris defeats Sunak

    We’ve been told this ALL week Rishi Sunak is the first person of Asian heritage to become Prime Minister.

    But this is not entirely true. Boris JohnsonGreat-grandfather Ali Kemal was born in a Turkish village about 300 miles east of the Bosphorus. And this means that he really was the first.

    Boris Johnson's great-grandfather Ali Kemal came from Turkey


    Boris Johnson’s great-grandfather Ali Kemal came from TurkeyAuthor: Alamy

    Meanwhile, we’re also told that Rishi can’t know what it’s like for a poor person facing gigantic heating bills because he is so rich.

    I don’t see that being much of an argument.

    I’ve never been to the South Pole, but I know it’s damn cold.

    Rishi can’t save the Tories – he’s been shut down by Remainers and Brexiters

    WE know that everything is finite. But there are some things that we can never imagine to disappear from our life.

    London A to Z, for example. Who would have guessed, even back in the nineties, that this would not happen again? Or the Yellow Pages.

    Rishi Sunak will fight to unite the fractured Tory party


    Rishi Sunak will fight to unite the fractured Tory party

    Or an overhead projector. Or fax. Or waiting at the pharmacy to pick up your holiday photos.

    Will we ever be able to go sledding again? If the global warming proponents are right, it’s entirely possible that we won’t.

    Can you imagine that? Never see snow again?

    Other things now in danger of disappearing are the Ford Fiesta, the phone on your hall table and maybe, just maybe Conservative Party.

    i know what Rishi Sunak burst onto the scene like a life-size action figure, and everyone says he’ll bring back the party’s fortunes after Boris and the incredibly awesome Mrs. Truss managed to do Sir Starmer look selective.

    But I doubt it. The party is split into two parts. You have leftists on one side and Brexiteers on the other, and Rishi is nothing more than a Band-Aid.

    He’ll fall off early, and then they’ll be fighting in the street.

    Tories will become like Ronco Buttoneer. Nothing more than a momentarily interesting footnote in history.

    2019 is a world away

    Conservative ministers keep telling us they will stick to the manifesto that got them elected in 2019.

    Ah, what’s the point?

    The world has changed since writing.

    We’ve had Brexit, Covid and war.

    So to follow what you wanted to do before everything happened just because it’s written in a manifesto is as crazy as not wanting your neighbor’s ox because the Bible says so.

    The plane is stupid

    NOW this Sir Attenborough finished his weekly lectures on climate change, took over the BBC’s global warming baton Chris Packham and Michaela Strahanwho spent a week in the forest, hosting Autumn watch.

    On Thursday, Chris gave a lecture on moths and how warm weather affects them.

    Michaela Strachan lectured on global warming at Autumnwatch


    Michaela Strachan lectured on global warming at Autumnwatchcredit:

    And all I could think was how much cooler the planet would be if the producers didn’t have to take Mikaela to the woods from her house. . . Art South Africa.

    In the cold

    One should feel sorry for the Germans.

    Well, you can at least try.

    The whole civilized world is proving to them that using Russian gas is irresponsible and short-sighted.

    So to make sure the Fritzes and Frauleins don’t freeze this winter, the government announced this week that it’s tearing down a brand new wind farm and turning the site into a giant coal mine.

    And it’s not just any old coal. This is brown coal. The worst kind.

    So now the whole civilized world is telling them they are irresponsible and short sighted.

    Racial enigma ref

    OVER the past few years, football has become a shining beacon of diversity and tolerance.

    Players usually kneel before a hit, and logos used by broadcasters call on viewers to reject racism.

    Uriah Rennie was the last black referee in the Premier League in 2008


    Uriah Rennie was the last black referee in the Premier League in 2008Author: Alamy

    So why do you never, ever see a black referee or black guys running up and down the touchline making the wrong offside decision?

    He was the last black man to referee a Premier League match Uriah Rennie – and in 2008 he retired.

    The same problem exists in other leagues, with figures showing that of the 254 officials registered to watch matches, 247 of them are white.

    Apple is releasing a special iPhone that only certain people can own
    I'm a mom of four, and I gave my townhouse a splash on a shoestring budget

    I was checking what qualifications you needed to be a referee because I half expected the first question on the application form to be “How long have you been a member of the National Front?”

    But I don’t see anything stopping black people from wearing black shorts. It’s amazing.


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